Monday, March 24, 2014
When I get frustrated or irritated I feel like a rubber-band about to snap. And in turn I get really snappy and I hate it. I hate being that way but yet it continues. I feel helpless in the emotion and that makes it worse instead of better.
I find I am very snappy with my best friend when I come in from work. I am wondering why that is. I am usually not in that bad a mood but somehow her asking me how my day was feels like an intrusion into the peace and calm I was anticipating.
In that moment when I get home, I feel relief at my work-day being over and I get very irritable when that is encroached on. I don't know how best to communicate my need for some peace and solitude because as it stands there is nowhere to go.
That is why one of my pipe dreams is to clear out the back bedroom enough to move out of her and back into my own space. It won't happen overnight and it will take a lot of work on my part but increasing I feel that it will save our relationship a lot of friction if I have somewhere to retreat to.
I want to find a way however to fight the mood when it happens and move away from it. I am in charge of myself and there is no one but me to blame for my moods. I will do the best I can. In a way I am using the space to confess that I have a problem and that I am unhappy with it.
I hope that as I continue to focus on changing that I start to learn techniques to become the person that I want to be. Here is hoping that you all have a wonderful, creative and peaceful night.