It is sobering and simultaneously tiresome to try to craft something new. It can be ever the more draining if you have given yourself the added pressure of a deadline and a recipient who is forewarned and thus expectant.
I do these things to myself all of the time, bring what should be a work of soul-joy down to the burden of churning out a work in the time that others expect. Even though my vision is often skewed and over-zealous, I carry one to the bitter end. I am not always victorious but when I am it is an empty, fleeting joy.
Skulking from one project to the next while hoping that the gift was well-loved and received with an apprehension akin to awaiting an exam result, doesn't leave me with an positive benefits. Indeed all I see is the next project again looming over my head.
To speak of these things without moving to change them is whining and I know it. However, just for a now, I'll live and let live; even if it means embracing my lack of confidence more as par for the course, than as the next thing I need to change.
I'm darkly inspired tonight and not for the first time this year I weigh my words carefully and try to speak as honestly as I can. Technology has become a bane to the art of word-smithing and I now put more thought behind what I type-speak.
"Goodnight world." she whispered from a corner of the Caribbean, oddly confident that though few would listen, billions could hear.