It feels like almost two or more months since I picked up a crochet hook and decided to give it a go. At first I was happy, and slowly gaining confidence but that did not last. Somewhere between chain 10 and double crochet I had started to feel boxed in and wholly inadequate.
It is partly to do with the fiasco of the gift, which in hindsight I should have tried knitting one to avoid this kind of sick feeling that I get whenever I think about it. Despite everything, including some very sound advice, I still feel like I have failed.
It's a process - like everything is, and I hope to be able to look back on it one day with wisdom and see what I was unable to garner now.
The truth is that I like crochet, there is something about it that makes it feel more like using Lego Building blocks than weaving or sewing. That intrigues me because it allows you to play with 3-dimensional shaping and structure while knitting feels flat.
I want to be good at it. I just have a hunch that it'll help me along to where I need to be. For now though I'm stuck trying to master the magic loop, feeling inept because I can't do a Granny Square and trying to figure out exactly where my budget got away from me.
It's heartbreaking that my skills aren't catching up to my albeit vague dreams.